5 of the funniest Bible stories that I've come across when reading the Bible including, God hates figs, Moses needs a nap, Balaam and his donkey and more.
I’ve spent a little bit of time on YouTube and other places discussing some of the atrocious stories and concepts in the Bible. Sometimes when reading the Bible, I come across stories or verses that are so ridiculous they actually make me laugh. Here’s a few.
God hates figs, Matthew 21:18-21.
Early in the morning, Jesus was walking back to Jerusalem and got hungry. He saw a nearby fig tree and went up to it looking for an early morning fig snack, but found only leaves. Angered at the tree’s clear lack of preparation for his arrival Jesus said, “may you never bear fruit again!” and the tree immediately withered.
When his disciples saw this they were amazed and Jesus told them that if only they have faith no doubt, they too, will be able to make fig trees wither.
Apparently Jesus was a bit of a hypoglycemic and got a little cranky when he didn’t eat. He may have found himself much less frustrated and much more satisfied had he just used his powers to make the tree grow figs instead of cursing it.
Moses talks to God’s “back parts”, Exodus 33:23
At this point in Exodus, Moses has had conversations with all sorts of manifestations of God and was getting tired of not knowing him.
So Moses commanded god to show himself by saying “Now show me your glory”. God agreed but told Moses that he can’t see his face or he’ll die. So, instead, God told Moses that he would see his “BACK PARTS” when they meet, rather than his face.
So even if you’re God’s golden boy and you do everything possible to gain his favor, the best audience that you’ll get with him will be with his ass. What a way to tell you that you’re not worthy huh?
Speaking of talking to asses.
Balaam talks ethics with his donkey. Numbers 22:21-39
So Balaam was a prophet of sorts, who disobeyed God’s command by attempting prophet by cursing the Israelites. Clearly, God wasn’t going to allow this and sent an angel to stop him.
Balaam couldn’t see the angel but his donkey could, so she kept veering off the road which really pissed Balaam off causing him to lash out and beat the donkey.
After being beaten several times, the donkey suddenly started talking to Balaam and posing moral questions. If an animal that eats its own shit posing ethical questions isn’t funny enough, Balaam didn’t seem the least bit surprised at his donkey talking to him and without pause he responded to the donkey like “yeah this sort of thing happened all the time.”
God really gives the Israelites something to complain about.
In Numbers 11:4 the Israelites got sick of eating manna and only manna for 3 meals a day so they start complaining and wishing that they had meat to eat. I can’t really fault them for wanting something else since the manna apparently tastes like coriander and looks like resin. Kind of destroys the whole manna from heaven idea huh?
So Moses asked God why he has burdened him with all of these whiney people that keep complaining about not having meat to eat.
God heard them complaining and says “oh they want to complain do they, okay, I’ll give them something to complain about”. So God says that they will eat meat but not for 1 or 2 days but for a whole month until, quote, it comes out of their nostrils.
Moses needs a nap.
In Exodus 17:8 the Amalekites came and attacked the Israelites. Moses told Joshua to gather some men and go fight the Amalekites and he will stand on top of a hill with the “staff of God”. Joshua did as he was commanded.
As long as Moses’s hands were raised the Israelites were winning the battle but when he lowered them they started losing.
After a while Moses grew tired and could no longer stand or hold his hands up, which makes sense since he’s 120 years old. So Aaron and Hur brought a stone for him to sit on and they stood on either side of him holding his arms up in the air.
So everyone is dying on the battlefield and Moses is just sitting on the rock with other people holding up his arms like “Oh God I’m so tired”. This scene seems more like something you would see in a Monte Python movie than in the Bible.
Main Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCT-QFGBTiBess5bJPT57CBg