Is it actually possible? What if there's some attraction there? Have you ever found yourself trapped in the, "friend zone?" This week on The Science of Love we're investigating attraction in friendships - talking to real friends to find out how and if you can actually make it work.
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Created by: Mike Bernstein and Matt Pittman
Director: Mike Bernstein
Producer: Matt Pittman
Host: Julian Huguet
Cinematographer: Yuki Noguchi
Production Designer: Flower Cole
Editor: David Sommer
Production Manager: William Cubbon
Production Coordinator: Rebecca Ma
Production Support: Daniel Herzog
Production Support: Ben Taylor
Production Support: Joseph Waggoner
1st AC | DIT: Loie Russell-Templeton
Gaffer | Cam Op: Andrew Finch
G&E Swing | Cam Op: Richard Card
Key Grip: Ryan Walton
Art Director: Tricia Robertson
Set Decorator: Marcy Silver
Makeup: Taylor Tompkins
On Set Sound Mixer: Ben Adams
VFX & Title Sequence: Cameron Clark
Post Sound Designer & Mixer: Matt Schwartz
Colorist: Trevor Durtschi
Featured Participants: Sherry Edwards, Jill Schrack, Alex Plaisance, Catherine Urbanek, Parker Marshall, Jared Delgado, Jennifer Bacon, Jessie Kahnweiler
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The Biggest Pile of Leaves You Have Ever Seen - Lullatone - Falling for Autumn
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Look Up! There is a Perfect Gradient in the Top of That Tree - Lullatone - Falling for Autumn
How do students react when high school boys are treated like women in Congress?? CLICK HERE to find out!
I had a best friend who I found out from my friends that he liked me romantically. They told me I should give him chance so we ended up going on a few dates and guess what? I still don't like him that way and we're still friends. I'm sorry if this sounds bitchy but am I obligated to change my perception of our relationship to spare his feelings for me? Well I'm sorry, we went on a couple of dates, even tried being romantic and cuddle but I wasn't feeling it. I didn't want to give him false hope. Yes it broke his heart and I feel terrible but I shouldn't apologize for not liking him in that way, u can't force feelings. Am I in the wrong for not having feelings for someone I have no romantic interest in? I'm sorry.
How can the people here feel an attraction for one another, but just completely ignore it? If two people are attracted to one another and they’re already friends, I don’t see how that’s not a strong basis for a relationship?
I would say around 90% of guys cant be ''just friends'' with girls and around 50% woman.
Guys beeing with woman before guys for just friendship is rare. A guys need of being friends with a woman is because he will feel good about himself surrounded by woman. Or that he might have a chance someday to smash that. Or both. Woman are very ignorant about this stuff going on around them on a daily bases.
Depends on the guy. If he's an average looking or ugly guy then he'll be the type to fall for a female friend since I'm guessing maybe it's easier for him to ask out a girl he is familiar with and feels comfortable around vs approaching a woman he barely knows to ask her out. There's greater potential for rejection when he doesn't know her well. Whereas handsome men know it's easy for them to get women since women are more open to dating attractive males regardless of their level of familiarity. Women are unlikely to want to date a guy she doesn't know well with the exception being that he is handsome.
Ive personally never seen attractive men had to deal with this issue before. It's usually only average/not very good looking men that end up falling for their female friends.
Call me old school, but I’m not for platonic opposite sex friendships, generally. Sometimes they can be fine, of course you can be nice and friendly with anyone. But spending ‘quality time’ with a friend of the opposite sex while in a marriage gets to be a complicated subject. Usually the guy will become attracted to the girl overtime, it’s embedded in our DNA. I’m single now and I’ve been okay with past girlfriends having guy friends. But, some guy friends have been on past dates with her and I know they secretly like her when all she wants is truly a friendship. And that bothers me because I know she probably doesn’t it see it from a male point of view. So it’s rare in a marriage that a platonic friendship with ‘quality time’ is acceptable. If you’re single sure, but be careful as it may effect future courting. Again, call me old school but I prefer simple, natural boundaries to eliminate trust issues. Maybe that’s why I’m single because every girl won’t sacrifice their ‘guy friends’ and submit to a spouse. And guys are sacrificing to their ‘girl friends’ and not to their spouse.
As is clear as the words you are currently reading: each couple that we saw in this video, almost each guy here looks like he wants more, but has been placed in the "friend zone" with the exception of the guy with the cap, and the Black couple... those two couples, its the woman who looks to have been placed in the "friend zone. nonetheless,. all admitted that there are more feelings than just "friends" when asked if there has ever been an attraction. Its inevitable
"In a platonic way, he's a very romantic guy"
"I love that I don't want to have sex with you"
*F R I E N D Z O N E D F R I E N D Z O N E D*
*R* I E N D Z O N E D F R I E N D Z O N E D F
*I* E N D Z O N E D F R I E N D Z O N E D F R
*E* N D Z O N E D F R I E N D Z O N E D F R I
*N* D Z O N E D F R I E N D Z O N E D F R I E
*D* Z O N E D F R I E N D Z O N E D F R I E N
*Z* O N E D F R I E N D Z O N E D F R I E N D
*O* N E D F R I E N D Z O N E D F R I E N D Z
*N* E D F R I E N D Z O N E D F R I E N D Z O
*E* D F R I E N D Z O N E D F R I E N D Z O N
*D* F R I E N D Z O N E D F R I E N D Z O N E
The problem with this whole video is take it one step farther. How will their friendship affect the feelings of someone they are dating? This is why society is having issues with relationships. To many hook ups and cheating and friends of the opposite sex.
Yes and no. It really depends.
I have (and had) female friends where there is zero interest between us whether it be physical/emotional or them having boyfriends. That's not a problem.
On the other hand, there are situations like the bald guy in this video, where it is one-sided with only one showing clear interest in the other. That takes a ton of effort and pretty much eats you alive from the inside which is BRUTAL. I was in his situation a while ago where I befriended a girl because I liked her and wanted to get to know her more. Finally had the courage to ask her out after getting to know her for a few months and was rejected. Despite attempting to turn it into a friendship it came across fake and forced and decided the best decision was to cut off ties. It hurt, but I don't regret it.
I don't really believe in the idea of just being friends with the opposite sex, because we really can't control our
feelings to one another and for sure he/she will think that there might be a small of a chance for you guys to get attracted to each other.
Overwhelmingly it is unlikely that a man will make friends with a woman and not expect/ desire more at some point. Especially if their “friend” is an attractive female.
Even if physical attraction does not occur, the emotional bond formed in a one sided friendship can make the other seemingly more attractive over time, leading easily to physical attraction.
In a committed relationship if your partner has many close opposite gender friends and thinks the friends have no desire for her/ him or will not ever develop such feelings, is unlikely thinking.
If a committed boyfriend/ husband wanted to protect the marriage by having strong boundaries and limitations with friends of the opposite gender, many women and some men will think its because the boyfriend or husband is 1) insecure and has 2)trust issues.
If trust is defined as confidence and reliability in or towards something, why would wanting to establish boundaries cancel a husband’s confidence and reliability in his wife? Why can’t trust and strong boundaries be co-existing and supplemental, rather than detracting?
Trust by definition although thought of as a permanently set trait, can be highly variable according to different circumstances. If for example, the wife keeps close contact with guy friends and texts/ calls them often and her relationship with her husband is strong, then she will not accept the desire/ attraction that the guy friend may likely have/develop for her. However, if somewhere down the road the relationship becomes difficult between husband and wife, and the wife still maintains close and regular “platonic” contact with guy friends, then that boundary of trust she has can become very weak. And it will be easier for her to follow into another guys desire for her. Especially if one or both people in couple start to lose interest in the other by means of familiarity (seeing them everyday).
Even the most trustworthy people can fall. It is naive to think that we couldn’t.
Thus, in order to better protect a relationship with your significant other, it would be wise on both the male and female pair to limit interactions and regular communication with friends of the opposite gender.
Sure, such a measure does not 100% guarantee that nothing will happen; but it increases the likelihood of fidelity by limiting the possibilities of unneccessary external influence.
Metaphorically, if a relationship between man and woman is a house, and trust is represented by the locked doors and walls; the established boundaries/limitations would be represented by a surrounding gate/ fence. They are supplemental to each other. Not detractive.
Even if the opposite gender friend to your significant other has attraction for her and your significant other doesn’t act on it, then she is still allowing her inner circle of friends to consist of people who may secretly desire her and advance if given the opportunity. Its like being surrounded by temptation. Let’s say an overweight person who enjoys sweets is on a diet. But if he constantly surrounds himself with chocolate cake, eventually he’ll reach out and grab a piece, or just taste it. Or at minimum, have a strong temptation to do so. Especially if its the holidays.
Case in point: if you’re in a committed relationship, don’t allow close opposite gender friends to enter into the sacred bond that you have with your husband/ wife. That physical/ emotional/ spiritual bond is not something to be shared or allow for possibilities to be shared.
May we all have stronger and longer relationships with strong boundaries and limitations, so that we can take steps towards reducing this absurd ~50% divorce rate that we have in this country.
Friends will never work because sooner or later the intimacy will always happen. its the natural nature of humans. If anyone said's they are friends, and they have never thought of intimacy they are lying. Those who have admit it will later find out that it will not work when a new boyfriend, or girlfriend comes into the picture. You can try your best to justify it, but one day it will stop working because its human nature to have intimate thoughts with friends. And all girls will say they don't like it when there boyfriend is alone with another girl that is a friend. Guys feel the same way, but many try to hide it.
Man and women can't just be friends, I discovered this at an early age, around 16, women love attention from a man and sort of attention so they are willing to lead some guy they know really liked them but they don't like them him romantically along, cos that guy will always be willing to do things for her, I used to see it in high school all the time lol
All betas in this video. I consider all my guy friends soldiers in my Army, just like evolution, guys hunt in packs or possibly alone. We see males as our support to survive and provide food for our females. Why would I include a female as a fellow soldier in my army?
Men and women should choose their friends of the opposite gender wisely and not choose friends based on physical/sexual attraction, pretend to be their friend and wait like hypocrites for the right moment to make a move like a lot of people do on both sides. With that being said, to assume that men specifically cannot be friends with women is to blatantly assume that every single man on Earth wants to have sex with every single woman on Earth all the time regardless of the situation. That's just complete bullshit.
I think boys and girls can easily be friends without feeling any romantic attraction towards each other. Sure, I've thought once or twice that my (male) friend is cute, but that's it. We both have never felt romantic attraction towards each other.
I am a guy, and I think that men typically would be interested in romantic involvement IF they are attracted to their friend. However, if a man does not have a physical attraction to a woman, or if he simply respects boundaries, such as being friends with a male friend's wife, it is certainly possible to be platonic friends with a woman.
For those who say that men and women can't be friends because of sexual desire, this paints men as brute animals without the capability to actually respect women and who are slaves to their carnal desires. That's a pretty scary picture for women. Most men may be able to control their desires, but what about the rapists and abusers who can't control their desires? No wonder women are mistrusting of men.
Friendship is just friendship, gender does not matter. As long as they are good friends and feel like they are friends, yes. I have SEVERAL male friends and female friends. I just want good, nice people to be friends with. Romance is also romance, gender does not matter.
If you happen to have a very close gender opposite friend, and you are confuse of how you feel about him/her. Ask this question to yourself, what if he/she married another person than you? Answer that and you'll know your true feeling.
So... if I have a friend that I'm not sure why they want me as a friend, do I just ask them? I've had that question multiple times. "Why do you even like me?" I'm a little obsessive compulsive... with everything, not just people, not just work, not just with video games or movies. I obsess over everything. And if I find a person I really like, and we hang out and have a great time, I'm obsessed with trying to get that to happen again. Though in reality it might take weeks, months, or even years in some cases for me to have that same connection again... and it's really frustrating. I see people who are constantly around each other, or people who can just come and hang out whenever they feel like it. I've never had that. I wish I had. But I never made that transition from "Oh... we see each other a couple of times" to "I'm coming over and stealing all your Ramen!" You know? I want that kind of friendship. I feel like that happens more between girls but I've seen some guy relationships like that too. It's ..... it's really frustrating.
Putting on a labcoat and interviewing 4 pairs does not science make. Also, I'm not attracted to my male friends? I bet most people have many cross-gender relationships with brothers, fathers, sisters, mothers, teachers, cousins, colleagues etc that have nothing to do with sex and attraction. Why are people so convinced it has to be different for friendships? Is it really that difficult to imagine you can care about and respect people you don't want to have sex with?
"Soap and cake"?? *glances back at video* Oh... "SoulPancake"
video was very well done. Great information and presented differently. Going to try out those venn diagrams with all of my friends now (by all, i mean "both").
I think the red haired woman and nose ring guy are the people who actually inspired me in this group. They’re completely intentional and honest about their relationship, and obviously have the most clearly-defined boundaries and self control. I’m trying to navigate a close friendship with a guy right now, and these two people give me a picture of how a coed friendship can be not just successful, but maybe essential to each other’s growth. You can hear it in the way they speak - they are very similarly articulate and precise. I bet
Why is it so inconceivable that men and women can be just friends, get along without the slightest hint of attraction between them? Personally, when I stop and have a good think about it, I have about as many male close friends as female close friends, and I adore them all equally. But I am not attracted to them, and they are not attracted to me. So yes, men and women can be friends.
Real talk, I have a problem with my husband trying to have female friends. I trust him and not trying to control him or anything, but it kinda kills me inside to know he has a friend of the opposite sex. I should be enough for him.
People who say yes, should acknowledge that they also believe in hookups or meaningless casual sex. It happens a lot nowadays and contributes to broken families and the destruction of the nuclear family.
There's two kinds of guys. The guy with a lot of female friends. And the guy with one female friend. The guy with lots of female friends has options. More than likely has also had something intimate with those friends too. there for, he cares less if a few girls don't like him intimately. He knows theres others that do. So he'll remain friends with them. The guy with one female friend cares way more. Because he doesn't have a lot of options. He will try harder to keep that one female friend. Either way you look at it. Guys can't be just friends with chicks. Unless they have a gf/wife. Or has got lots of options.
I have a male friend, I'm not attracted at all, and he talks all the time about his crush on some other girl. Most of his friends are girls in fact... I mean, I honestly don't understand people who don't think you can have a friendship???
Now is making sense why that dude called me a nun 😟 I think I had a crush on him as we hang out more and he was very rude :(( I was 20 years old and he was so mean insulted my religion a bunch of stuff and myself telling me to be a nun. Is so hurtful. Even though he was the first guy who did this, I won’t change my mind. I still love myself and my ideas. I believe there is someone out there who loves himself and wants the best for himself and later for me. Same ideas. I’m not interested into friends with benefits. I love myself and care for the other person. I don’t want to play without feelins. I’m very caring. :))
Still Idk why that guy acted like that. Is being two years now and I wish it didn’t happened that way. I just send good vibes! :))
Girls and boys can be friends. We just need dignity and respect. If we want a relationshp, we can make it happen. :D
I would not want friends with benefits. As a romantic young adult, I am not for those things. Geez, I hope there can at least more people like me for God’s will!! I am very traditional and I would want a good relationship whom someone loves me for who I am not my body. I want someone to love me for my beautiful heart. :))
For me to sum it up the difference between platonic and romantic is trust, who you turn to. It varies from person to person, some people trust their friends/family more than their romantic partners.
Like, the fires the "I will give" love and "I will make mine" love.
Like, a friend/family is they're there no matter what, and isn't going to take advantage of your weakest moments, where a romantic partner can, because people go with who they don't know too well most of the time.
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